Thursday, May 27
Yoyo Ma is a famous cello player. He says that he is often asked by his students how they should prepare for a performance. He tells them that in order to become a professional musician you will go through years of training, and you will often be critiqued and judged by your teachers. If you get on stage and begin to think about that criticism and then begin to worry about your performance, it will be a terrible performance. He said, “You cannot play music for others and be thinking all the time about whether it’s good or not. Instead, you need to play with the abandon of a child who is just beginning to learn the cello because why is that child playing? That child is playing the cello because it makes him happy, because he loves to pull the bow across the strings, because he likes the little melody that comes out. He enjoys the sound of it. That is the only good reason to play the cello, because it makes you happy, and when you play the cello in that way, it will be a great performance.”
Many of us walk around listening to these critical voices in our minds. We are unable to live joyfully and truly be ourselves because we are preoccupied with the criticisms we believe to be true. We have come to believe that we are unworthy, inadequate, or unlovable. These negative images of ourselves can have deep roots. We may have heard these criticisms over and over as a child or as an adult from someone we loved or admired. We have given the sender of these words the power to decide who we are and what we are worth.
In my life, I grew up with many angry, judgmental messages. They impacted me so greatly I was afraid to voice my opinion for fear it would be wrong. In my early 30’s, I attended a retreat where I prayed that God would heal my spirit and my self-confidence. When you ask God for something, be prepared for an answer! Mine came over the next few years with guiding angels (a.k.a. therapists) and lots of hard work. In the end, the judgmental harsh voices were replaced by God’s loving encouragement. Every once in awhile, they try to return, but they are no match for the stronger power of love.
We are not created to be perfect. The Navajo Indians, when they weave a rug, always sew an imperfection into the corner of the rug. They do that because it’s through that imperfection that the spirit enters and leaves, Perfection is not elimination of imperfection, but rather incorporation of imperfection, learning to work with it, to grow from it, and to let it be a place where we connect with God.
We are created to be real…like the Skin Horse in the story of the Velveteen Rabbit. When the stuffed rabbit asks the old toy horse how he can become real, the Skin Horse replies “Real isn’t how you are made. It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”
“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”
“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.” –Margery Williams
24 Comments
Carol Lee
Wow Mary, this is so powerful! We have so appreciated and benefited from these morning messages. Could you and Brian please continue longer than the month of May? Also I see the makings of a book. A collection of these messages illustrated ,by Brian. I am sure it would be a blessing to many many people.
Mary Ramerman Author
Hi Carol,
I’ll share your suggestion with Brian! Thank you for being with us.
Love, Mary
Judene Scheidt
Oh My Gosh, Carol Lee (above) — YES YES YES!!
I was thinking this morning before signing in here how lost and sad I’m going to feel when this week comes to an end knowing that these meditations will be over. I’ve printed them all out, though, so I can re-read them! Mary and Brian, I have read countless meditation books, watched countless videos of motivational speakers (Mary, I loved your reference the other day to Leo Buscaglia! My Mom listened to him when I was growing up, and I adored him!), I’ve read lots of other blogs, BUT YOURS MARY AND BRIAN have touched me in a way that no other has. I don’t say that lightly or to just to be polite or kind. These meditations have truly felt like God has been speaking to me in a way that is similar to how a loving, hopeful parent kneels a few feet away from a toddler trying to walk for the first time. The outstretched arms; the soothing, coaxing voice giving the child the courage to take those first frightening steps knowing they’ll be caught if they begin to fall and embraced when they cover the distance. I have felt so uplifted, so loved, by reading these meditations. THANK YOU BOTH SO MUCH!! <3
Mary Ramerman Author
Judene, I’m not surprised at how touched you were by these prayers…we are truly just the messengers of the love God has for us. You describe that love so beautifully!
Mary
Sarah Brownell
Children’s stories of the past are so philosophical…seems like we’ve lost that in some of the newer models. I’ve been trying to get my daughter to read the Velveteen rabbit with me.
I really like the idea of imperfection being the most important part of everything, and I didn’t know that about the Navajo. My favorite Leonard Cohen lyric is in his song Anthem. I think about it a lot and often relay it to my students. He says: “Forget your perfect offering. There’s a crack in everything. There’s a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.”
Yes to the book!
Mary Ramerman Author
I know that song…it fits perfectly. “That’s how the light gets in…”
Virginia Biggie
I once knew a nun who introduces me to reading and experiencing scripture. She told us once that as we age, we should try to become more gentle. And now, many years later, I realize how true were her words. Thank you Mary, for reminding me.
Mary Ramerman Author
Such good advice…I don’t know if I could have understood it until I got older.
Bridget Casselman
I love the velveteen rabbit. I had a teddy bear who was sure loved enough and worn enough to become real. I loved the prayer I could feel being called a child with and feeling safe rather than scared. It was nice. Thank you
Mary Ramerman Author
Perhaps God gave Brian that prayer just for you, Bridget.
Diane Seebach
The Velveteen Rabbit is one of my very favorite stories. Beautiful messages, that you really only understand when you become shabby and parts get weak and fall off. It makes me feel “real.” I think a lot of us should read that story over and over, to ourselves, our children and our grandchildren. Thank you for sharing that. Love, Diane
Mary Ramerman Author
Diane, You are real…I’m sure of it!
Maria
WOW! How did you ever know that I needed to read and absorb your inspiring, powerful and eye-opening message today. Thank you and bless you, Rev. Mary. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Mary Ramerman Author
Love you, Maria.
Colleen Fox-Salah
This was beautiful, Mary. I turned 53 yesterday, and I’m on a new journey, which I call Cronedom. I’ve had a difficult time letting go of the urge to be considered physically beautiful that has plagued me for a lifetime. It has been a borderline ridiculous preoccupation because I have slayed many metaphorical dragons that have tested me on the deepest level. Also, I am awed by and grateful for all my body as provided me, and my heroes have always been those who are unapologetically themselves.
Since I turned 50 I’ve been waiting for a way to perceive the self I present to the world as beautiful despite the evidence that I am as beautiful as I’m ever going to be considered to be given my gray hair, more weight added to the surplus weight and the post-menopausal paunch.
The quote you provided from The Velveteen Rabbit, a favorite I haven’t read since my youngest was little, is what I have been waiting for. And that last line, “But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand,” has transformed me at last. Thank you.
Mary Ramerman Author
Dear Colleen,
The self you have presented to us this month has been very beautiful and very real. Thank you for your deep and honest sharing. You are a magical writer…please keep writing. You have a gift.
Love Mary
Karen Keenan
Thank you. This is very beautiful and healing. I listened to it a couple times and will return to it. I Being gentle with ourselves does take on a deeper meaning when we can feel that it is God who is gentleness, and we take God’s hand.
Yes, a book of these meditations would be beautiful. Maybe a companion CD?
Mary Ramerman Author
I agree Karen…I love the line in the prayer “I am gentleness.”
Francene C McCarthy
Dear Mary and Brian,
Grateful words don’t seem to be enough to express how I feel after this meditation! I too have never felt “enough” from.childhood into adulthood. The imperfections in each example were perfect and resonated within me. Thank you so much!
Love and blessings,
Fran
I too have printed out each day and saved them on my phone knowing I would like to revisit them when our time is completed. Great idea about a book!
Mary Ramerman Author
Dear Fran,
We both understand the feeling of not being enough…but indeed, we are!
Love, Mary
Sally Partner
At 63 years old I still frequently have to battle those critical voices. It is amazing how rooted they get in your psyche. Thank you for this beautiful reminder of the blessing of being real.
Mary Ramerman Author
Sally,
You are real… and wonderful. Thank you for being here.
Love, Mary
Diane L Seebach
❤️❤️❤️❤️
Allan Cuseo
Had me weeping
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