Set Things Right

A while back at work, in the midst of a casual conversation, I hurt my colleague’s feelings. I knew right after the words came out of my mouth that my humor had landed poorly. Unfortunately, I went right from that encounter to other meetings and wasn’t free until hours later when I tried to track my colleague down to apologize. They weren’t there so I emailed them and only actually caught up with them in person the next day. The whole thing left a pit in my stomach that took a few days to ease.

Maybe you have had similar situations where something went awry in a relationship and you just really wanted to make it right.  While I know that it’s not always possible or the right thing to do immediately, I appreciate that reaction in us to try to make things right.

The first reading for today from Isaiah counsels us to, “cease doing evil, learn to do good. Make justice your aim and redress the wronged…set things right.”

I love that idea. Set things right.  

Like many things in life, I find this idea simple but not easy.

A few things I have found about trying to “set things right” (individually and collectively):

• Do it as soon as you can (or as close to the harm as possible)
• Don’t do it if it might cause more harm somehow (or one might need to wait until a better time to do it)
• The “harmed” party ultimately needs to weigh in if things were “set right”
• The “costs” of repair only get bigger and harder over time

As a counselor, I get to hear the pain that people carry in their lives and the anger, rage and confusion that harm has caused. Yet I frequently hear people say some version of, “If the person had just come and apologized and acknowledged the harm, it would have made it so much better.”

This past weekend, Spiritus hosted NY Senator James Sanders who is the lead sponsor for a state-wide initiative related to reparations for Black people in this state. Reparations are a way to try to collectively “set things right” given the tremendous harms and violence that have been perpetrated by white people against Black people (and specifically here in NY). And while we who live now are not the architects of the harm, we are the inheritors of it, and it now falls upon us to “cease doing evil and learn to do good.” (Our generation and those that follow are the inheritors of many harms that were not made right, and we are paying a high price for the delay in addressing them.)

In the gospel, Jesus is upset with the Pharisees because instead of trying to set things right, they are just playing ego and power games. And they are supposed to be the “leaders” and models for people.

Their behavior bothers Jesus because he is serious about Isaiah’s charge to set things right and knows that their actions don’t get us closer to doing that. So Jesus counsels his followers to be humble servants.

I think that this is an incredible starting point in order to set things right. Part of being humble is being willing to listen to the experience of the other and to more clearly understand what happened to them. In our modern world, fewer and fewer people seem to be willing to do this and to take the time to really hear someone out – especially about their pain.

Lent is a great time to work to set things right in our lives. We all probably have some relationships that need tending. Maybe there are some apologies and relational repairs that we need to make with people. And it is clear that we as a collective have much to set right. We can lean in to this collective work by listening to the voices and experiences of those most marginalized. They will tell us clearly what needs repair. [Note: Rev. Celie provided us with some tools in yesterday’s blog through which we might more clearly name (and thus act upon) collective harm.]

Today and throughout our time in Lent may we all try to “make justice our aim” and “learn to do good” as we continue on our spiritual path.