Mercy: The Love Language of God

Many of you have probably heard of The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Chapman says that there are five basic ways that people express or receive love and that knowing these and tuning in to them more carefully is a building block for how to improve our relationships (especially our love relationships). The five “languages” according to Chapman are: words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts.

In today’s scriptures, we hear more about God’s love languages: LOVE and MERCY.

In the first reading from Hosea, God says to the people, “It is love that I desire, not sacrifice.” In the Psalm we hear, “It is mercy I desire, not sacrifice.” And then in the gospel, we hear the story of the Pharisee who prays to God outlining all of the sacrifices he’s done and getting all full of himself. Meanwhile the so-called sinner understands that it is God’s mercy and grace – not our efforts – that is the true healing force.

The great theologian and preacher Barbara Brown Taylor often says that the closest we get in the Christian scriptures to “membership requirements” are the beatitudes found in Matthew 5 and Luke 6. One of those is “Blessed are the merciful…”

One of my greatest teachers on mercy has been Bryan Stephenson who wrote a wonderful book called Just Mercy (also a major motion picture). Stephenson, the founder of the Equal Justice Initiative and an internationally known speaker, attorney and activist, has spent his career dedicated to serving those living in poverty or in prison. 

Stephenson says that at the heart of being merciful is the recognition of the fundamental nature of human brokenness. He goes on to note that “embracing our brokenness creates a need and desire for mercy, and perhaps a corresponding need to show mercy. When you experience mercy, you learn things that are hard to learn otherwise. You see things you can’t otherwise see; you hear things you can’t otherwise hear. You begin to recognize the humanity that resides in each of us.”

He continues, 

“The power of just mercy is that it belongs to the undeserving. It’s when mercy is least expected that it’s most potent—strong enough to break the cycle of victimization and victimhood, retribution and suffering. It has the power to heal the psychic harm and injuries that lead to aggression and violence, abuse of power, mass incarceration…We are all implicated when we allow other people to be mistreated. An absence of compassion can corrupt the decency of a community, a state, a nation. Fear and anger can make us vindictive and abusive, unjust and unfair, until we all suffer from the absence of mercy and we condemn ourselves as much as we victimize others. The closer we get to mass incarceration and extreme levels of punishment, the more I believe it’s necessary to recognize that we all need mercy, we all need justice, and-perhaps-we all need some measure of unmerited grace.”

My guess is that, In God’s eyes, there is nothing more essential than mercy because it becomes the foundation for healing. I also think that Jesus’ counsel related to mercy resonates deeply with many of the modern efforts at restorative and/or transformative justice. 

It should also be noted that the presence of mercy is not a bypass for accountability. Instead, it is a challenging of the idea that somehow “punishment” will bring about a more just world and heal what has been harmed. The one who is shown mercy, however, is invited to remain in relationship with the community and to take responsibility for the harm that they have caused – also not an easy process.

At the heart of practicing mercy is the art and practice of non-punitive accountability and taking responsibility. Most of us have little to no experience with either of these and rarely see it in action in our world. Yet these are deep traditions and ancient practices within human communities, and our world needs them more than ever these days. And we have the example of Jesus as a foundational guide.

One of God’s love languages is mercy, and we are called to both give it and receive it. In receiving it, we acknowledge our own brokenness, frailty, vulnerability and sinfulness (knowing both that we have done wrong AND that we are not just the wrong we have done). In receiving mercy, we accept God’s grace and work to take concrete steps to repair that which we have transgressed.

In giving it, we offer the other what we would ideally want – a way to remain connected (if possible) and a way to address the harm without being punished, canceled or excommunicated.

Giving up meat on Fridays and cutting out alcohol and sweets for 40 days might be good things to do, but they pale in comparison to the practice of mercy. During Lent, may we come to know this love language of God more intimately.

One resource I found for further exploration – in addition to the amazing work of Mia Mingus – is this TOOLKIT: BUILDING SPACE FOR NON-PUNITIVE ACCOUNTABILITY IN CHRISTIAN COMMUNITIES