That many times?

Tuesday, March 26

Readings: DN 3:25, 34-43; MT 18:21-35

We hear a beautiful line spoken in Daniel today, “And now we follow you with our whole heart.”  This is likely an aspirational statement yet a great one for Lent where we strive every day to give more and more of ourselves to God.

One way to bring our whole heart to God is elaborated in the gospel.  Jesus is telling his disciples about forgiveness and of course they want to know how many times they need to forgive someone.  Peter, thinking he’s being generous, says, “seven times.” Jesus then says his famous, “seventy times seven times.”  Mic drop.

I often think about the quote from Mark Twain when I hear a reading like this.  “Some people are troubled by the things in the Bible they can’t understand. The things that trouble me are the things I can understand.”  Jesus is being pretty direct and clear today.

Is Jesus really being serious though?  Seventy times seven?  Aren’t there limits?  I mean people, other people, that is, can be really difficult and mean and thoughtless!

I think Jesus is being serious, but it first might be important to distinguish two words: forgiveness and reconciliation.  We can inadvertently use them interchangeably, but they are quite different.

Forgiveness means doing our own inner work to no longer harbor hate or ill will towards someone who hurt us somehow.  Reconciliation means we try to repair the relationship.  While they are related, they are not the same, and I believe that you can have forgiveness without reconciliation (but not the other way around).   It’s also probably fair to reiterate that these are processes that take time and spiritual work.

So if Jesus were here today, I’d imagine that he’d tell us to forgive everything and to not let hate and bitterness dwell in us.  (I am not sure that’d he’d say we need to “reconcile” with everyone though.  For me, the principles of restorative justice are really important to consider with respect to reconciliation, and if those conditions are not sufficiently met, reconciliation may not be safe or possible).

I also imagine that he’d encourage us to do our inner work and stick to the values that are important to us and to not get distracted by what others have done to us.

I have always loved the “paradoxical commandments” that were on the wall of Mother Theresa’s home for children in Calcutta.  They were originally written by Kent Keith, however, in 1968 as part of a leadership guide.  In his commandments he says,

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway. 

In so many ways, I think that Jesus would agree with these principles. These don’t give people a “free pass” to keep hurting you, but they do acknowledge that we can’t stop the world from doing what it is going to do sometimes – which is hurt us. I think that’s why Jesus insists on forgiveness.  If we can’t learn to let go of what others have done to us, are doing to us or will do to us, we won’t bother doing much and we won’t ultimately be very free.  But if we can find a way to forgive – ourselves, others and this world – new territory opens up for us.

For today, search your heart for anyone that you have not forgiven.  What is still required in order to help that part of you heal?