Inevitable letdowns, Rediscovered Identities

Readings: Is 49:1-6; Jn 13:21-33, 36-38

Today’s readings reflect a lot of pain and hardship.

In Isaiah, the speaker wonders if they have “toiled in vain, and for nothing, uselessly, spent my strength.”  While they ultimately decide to trust in God, this is not a good feeling. Have you ever questioned if something was “worth it” after you had poured your heart and soul into it?  It’s a terrible feeling.

Then our gospel tells us that while Jesus is celebrating a meal with his disciples (most likely part of his Passover celebrations), he tells them that one of them will betray him.  Remember, this is his inner circle, his trusted friends.  He already has a lot of people who dislike him let alone to have someone on the inside do something like this.  Have you ever experienced a betrayal from someone close to you?  It is a terrible feeling.

Ugh.  Betrayal.  Abandonment.  Broken promises.

And, of course, good old Peter says, “Hey, I’ll never betray you!  I’m not like the others.”  Much as he’d like to believe he’s different, he’s not.  Neither are we.  We have been the recipients of betrayal and broken promises.  And we have been the betrayers and breakers of promises.

This is a very human drama.

In so many ways, it’s not really “if” these are going to happen in life, but “when.”  I know that I can get shocked, disappointed, sad and angry when people let me down, talk behind my back or betray me in a variety of ways. But this is an old story, and even people close to us will disappoint us (and, of course, we will disappoint the people we are close to).

That’s why we need to do our inner homework and find a deep identity.  Isaiah tells us that God has called us “from birth, from [our] mother’s womb God gave [us our] name…You are my servant, [God] said to me, Israel, through whom I show my glory.”  This deeper identity – when we can find it – grounds us in an ultimate love that cannot be taken away from us by anything or anyone.  Finding our identity as a child of God anchors us in a knowing that goes beyond any of the relationships or identities that we experience here.  Our lives – no matter what is happening in them – can show God’s glory (just read that line again…). Living in that identity helps us stay connected to our purpose, our own goodness and our uniqueness.  And when we’re able to remember that, we do that for others.

When we forget our belovedness, we can easily get discouraged or sidetracked from what is ours to do and we can become petty, blaming and negative.

Rejection, betrayal and abandonment are some of the toughest things that we will go through because the emotional pain runs so deep.  It hurts, yes, and we can see our way through it – especially if we have cultivated a strong connection to the ultimate reality.

For today, just rest in God’s presence.  Be mindful that God has been with you from before you were born, is with you now and will receive you when you die.  This God has called you to be a servant and has a special role for you.  You are loved, you are held, you are precious (just say that over and over today, “I am loved.  I am held.  I am precious.”)