Today’s reflection was written by Brian O’Neill
Thursday, May 21
I am a very driven and goal-oriented person. I wouldn’t say that I am type A but maybe more of a B+, if there is such a thing? I strive for perfection in work, gardening, cooking, and any endeavor that I attempt. Even as I sit and write this blog post there is a big part of me that wants it to be perfect. To insist on perfectionism in myself was created from a place of feeling unworthy, broken, and not good enough—maybe barely acceptable. As a result of many years of healing through spiritual work I now understand that my insistence upon perfection in myself and others is simply a way to control and avoid the deep work needed to truly heal. If I cling so tightly to a plan, an idea, or how another must behave, I am not open to what God is trying to show me. I am unable learn about myself, others, and quite possibly an outcome that my human brain could not imagine. I’ve learned that if I can’t let go, then maybe I can try and let up. People in 12 Step recovery have a wonderful slogan for this, progress not perfection.
One of the biggest hurdles I have had to overcome in building a deeper connection with God is feeling unworthy. I carried shame about past mistakes and choices that were harmful to myself and others. I believed I had to be perfect before I was worthy of God’s love. I thought I had to act like company was coming over my house and run around and clean up dirty dishes, tidy cushions, and clean the guest bathroom. God is not company coming to your house and you do not need put on show or conceal what is beneath the surface. We’ve all seen cartoons of St. Peter standing at the gates of heaven deciding who is allowed to enter and who is not. Judgement is a human invention not an aspect of the divine. There are no gates, walls, or fences blocking you from God’s love. God is already in the places of your heart that are broken, wounded or clouded by shame. The Japanese have term called, Kintsugi: The Art of Broken Pieces. When a piece of pottery is fractured the repair is done with a lacqeur mixed with Gold, Silver, or Platinum. The belief behind the technique is to acknowledge the history of the vessel by visibly showing the glowing repair instead of trying to conceal and hide it. The repair often yields unexpected results that are more beautiful in their imperfection than the original. The very same principle applies to the places that we have been healed—they now glow with God’s love for us and we can shine that love onto others in a way that was previously unavailable.
I have learned to release my need to be perfect through love. If we are able to stop or lessen how much we beat ourselves up, we suddenly free up enough space to recognize that God is the Gold, Silver, and Platinum that heals the broken places of our minds, hearts, and lives.
I am sharing a reflection on perfectionism that was given to me and I always get so much out of how simply put the words are—a clear example of releasing through love. You are enough, you have enough, and you are doing enough. You are more than enough. You are God’s beautiful creation and you were born in original perfection.
Perfection
To insist on perfection precludes growth.
To accept imperfection as part of humanness is to grow.
If you love the part of you that you think is imperfect than the act of transformation can begin.
If you deny what is your nature then you become deeply attached to that denial.
When you accept what is there, in its truth then you are released.
One does not release through rejection.
One releases through love.
-author unknown
6 Comments
Colleen Fox-Salah
What a beautiful entry, Brian. I’m sure the intent of this message is to help us address the deeper ways in which the pursuit of perfection afflicts us, but what came to mind was my relationship with my body. I have spent decades devoted to healing a pervasive sense of inner shame, and after a long slog up that mountain, I am finally on my way down nearing the valley of peace.
The one aspect of myself that remains more unhealed than the rest is how I feel about my body. I have been aware of its imperfections since I became conscious. Yet, I do appreciate it for the mobility it gives me, how healthy it is and that it has carried three children. I am awed by the human body, how it creates and utilizes its own energy, that it is made of the same stuff as stars. The practical and theoretical gratitude I have for my body, though, is dwarfed by how it looks, how I imagine others judge me by its imperfections that I am always reminded could be changed if I wanted it badly enough.
I know enough to resist wanting something for myself that is motivated by anything other than what’s truly in my best interest, which only I get to decide. I also am struck by the beauty of all body types, all of the stunning variations that make us uniquely identifiable. Still, this doesn’t help me to love my body in the same unabashed way I love my soul.
How funny it is to me that my most significant spiritual challenge after a lifetime of facing inner turmoil is turning out to be loving my physical self. I know I will have released the need for perfection when this issue is healed. The verse you provided helps towards that end. Thank you.
Brian O'Neill
Dear Collen, your insights and reactions always move me deeply. I can very much relate to what you are saying. Peace, Brian
Francene C McCarthy
Dear Brian,
Thank you for that beautiful reflection and meditation. I find it comforting to know that others struggle with loving themselves, their whole selves. How difficult it is at times to accept that we are loved and made in the Creators image.
I love the part about beauty in the repair. God has so often put “repairs” in my life and I am changed and grateful.
Peace and love,
Fran
Diane L Seebach
Thank you for sharing what must have been a very difficult piece to write. I’ll take a lot of what is written here with me today… Love, Diane
Brian O'Neill
Dear Fran, Thank you very your words. Self-acceptance is long path for many but like you say, the repairs that God creates in our lives are something to be grateful for ! Love, Brian
Mary Quigley
Thank you Brian for sharing this. I made a mistake this past week, nothing earth-shattering but I could not let it go. I had to share and let others remind me that it is okay to be human. The gifts of imperfection is that I am loved as I am and at the same time, my prayer is to strive to do better.
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