A Desire to Save The World And A Desire To Savor It

I’ve been in the midst of a spiritual dilemma lately, and it is a familiar one for me.

I am very mindful of the injustice in this world. Just this past week, headlines spoke about chaos and hunger in Haiti, the death of young children by Israeli police forces in Palestine, the Supreme Court rolling back affirmative action and striking a blow against LGBTQ+ rights, rising inequality in our world and the great failure of most countries to even get close to their 2030 climate goals. And those are just a few of the headlines that speak of the realities that we’re living in.

Meanwhile, I have been able to be downtown in Rochester almost every night for the past week for the International Jazz Festival taking in some of the best music I have heard and dancing in the streets. It is amazing to see such a great diversity of people out and about downtown sharing joy, laughter and love as we get to engage some of the most creative and talented musical artists in this country (and even from around the world).

Maybe you feel a similar tension in your life.

I often think of the quote attributed to E.B. White: “I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve (or save) the world and a desire to enjoy (or savor) the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.”

I relate to both of those poles that White names. I want to address the inequity somehow and be a positive force on the side of justice. And at the same time I wish to savor and enjoy the people and experiences in my life.

In earlier decades of my life, I thought I had to choose between the two. There were times when I felt guilty for having a life in the midst of such suffering or judging others who did not seem to take injustice as seriously as I did. I don’t think that way anymore (at least I try not to). At the same time, I strive to be more aware that some of what I am “enjoying” is directly related to the poverty and injustice that others face.

Is there a way out of this dilemma?

I’ve not found one, and my hope in recent years is to actually try to hold the tension more consciously in my life.

I know that when I engage the challenges of the world, I can feel easily overwhelmed by their scope and enormity. How can I solve the climate crisis? What can I do to impact the violence and poverty in Haiti? How can I change the Supreme Court decisions? I might be tempted to go into fight, flight or freeze type responses – making everything a binary of good and bad, distancing myself from anything that’s upsetting or just going numb and seeking distraction.

Yet none of these responses will shift much in the world.

At the other end, when I engage the enjoyment side (especially if I am unaware of privilege and history) I can easily just sort of linger there in a bit of fantasy world. I can say things like, “Life is Good” or “Aren’t we lucky” with little consideration that the enjoyment we might be having can often require the hardship of others (or hardship for the planet or other creatures) or has a history (or implications) that require further exploration.

I don’t think it is coincidence that today’s gospel comes from John 20 and is about the disciple named Thomas. In the gospel reading, Thomas is named as Didymus which means “twin.” And as I find myself reflecting today on these twin realities that coexist inside of me, I, like Thomas, try to find my faith and encounter the risen Jesus in the mist of all of it. This risen Jesus is the one who can make a way out of no way and transcend what seems insurmountable to humans. So I am kinda relying on him here to help me with this dilemma!

Clearly this is a bigger conversation than a blog can address, but I would like to say a few last thoughts (and am grateful that you’re with me this far!).

First, in a world where so much is going on, we probably all need forms of enjoyment, relaxation and fun – and more of it. Giving ourselves “permission” to have this in our life is an important part of the balance we require to remain well and healthy.

At the same time – and especially if we have forms of economic or social privilege – we really need to re-think what enjoyment means and how many resources we pour into it (or what we tell ourselves we deserve or are entitled to). We live in a culture of overconsumption – with the United States making up about 5% of the world’s population but consuming about 30% of the world’s resources. Lately, as I think about the life I (and so many others) live, I know that it is not good for the planet, for other creatures and for equity and that it just cannot continue on its current path. I am working to develop the courage to keep changing my life (and especially my patterns of ‘enjoyment’). The words of theologian Walter Brueggemann always haunt me with respect to this, “The world for which you have been so carefully prepared is being taken away from you…by the grace of God.”

Finally, I try to take seriously that any enjoyment I might engage (for example, the Jazzfest) is meant to help me find the inner fuel to go deeper into the world – not away from it. If I use Jesus’ life and witness from the gospels as a guide, then we can see that he takes time away, attends dinner parties and spends time with friends only to go back to his ministry with new vigor and intensity.  He rejects Peter’s suggestion to “make three booths” at the top of a mountaintop experience – suggesting to me that enjoyment is not meant to become a lifestyle. Moreover, the ‘simple pleasures’ that Jesus seems to enjoy stand in marked contrast to much of what we have come to call ‘enjoyment.’

In this summer season, my hope is that we all can find balances between enjoyment and engagement and that we keep doing personal and collective reflection on this.