Today’s reflection is written by Brian O’Neill
Monday, May 25
When I think of the word joy, my first thought is, what makes me happy? I love art, cooking, singing and gardening—all of these give me great joy. Doing things that directly benefit me require little sacrifice. I have learned another form of joy that isn’t always easy to obtain, offer, or embrace. I am referring to the joy that is felt in being of service to others, which asks me to put another’s needs before my own. I don’t always do this willingly or with a joy filled heart—I have, at times been confused about my motives for saying yes and when it’s ok to say no. Being of service to others with an expectation of reciprocity or guilt as my motivation is a guarantee of a future resentment. Mahatma Gandhi said, “……service can have no meaning unless one takes pleasure in it. When it is done for show or fear of public opinion, it stunts the man and crushes his spirit. Service which is rendered without joy helps neither the servant nor the served.”
There are many ways that we can experience joy in being of service to others. Acts of kindness needn’t always be so complicated; smiling at a stranger, checking in on an elderly neighbor, or actively listening when someone is talking. Then there are times when I think, if I do this, what’s in it for me? What am I getting out of this? I have enough awareness at this point of my life to know that when those internal questions arise I must pause, pray and ask God to reveal for me what is going on beneath the thoughts. Sometimes it is as simple as I’m busy with other obligations but perhaps I feel guilt when saying no to a request of my time. Therein lies the conundrum of being available to others with a joyous heart while maintaining healthy boundaries, clear motives and self-care. The first line in the Prayer of St. Francis is, Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. Years ago, I remember thinking that if I am asked to be an instrument of God’s peace then I must always be available to others and have little if any needs of my own. The thought of saying no gave me anxiety and I went to great lengths pleasing others needs while denying my own. Today, I can care for others as well as myself. Self-care is not selfish but a spiritual right and responsibility of loving myself so that I am authentically available for others.
I have come to an acceptance of my humanness as I strive to be an instrument of God’s peace. As we aspire to be messengers and creators of joy to others we must also make time and space for ourselves. As I return to the Prayer of St. Francis, I fully accept that what is asked of me won’t always be easy or comfortable. I’ve had real moments of what this prayer is directing me to be and other times where I have fallen short. All that simply means is, I am spiritual being having a human experience. God is revealed to me in the joy of being of service to others and within as the patience and compassion I have for myself as I learn to empty so that I may be filled. It is the dying of my ego’s ideas of self that I am reborn to the promise of eternal life in the here and now—ineffable joy.
What has been your experience with joy? Perhaps it is in service to others or maybe a hobby or special skill you have worked to develop? Is there a prayer, piece of writing or bible scripture that you use to guide you in these matters?
Prayer of Saint Francis
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace
Where there is hatred, let me sow love
Where there is injury, pardon
Where there is doubt, faith
Where there is despair, hope
Where there is darkness, light
And where there is sadness, joy O Divine Master, grant that I may
Not so much seek to be consoled as to console
To be understood, as to understand
To be loved, as to love
For it is in giving that we receive
And it’s in pardoning that we are pardoned
And it’s in dying that we are born to Eternal Life
Amen
9 Comments
Mary Tymczyszyn
Mary, please realize what a comfort your meditations are. I am a senior living alone and your words sustain me throughout the day. Thank you. Mary Tymczyszyn
Mary Ramerman Author
Dear Mary,
Thank you for writing. I’m happy to know you are praying with us in the morning and that the meditations are a bright spot in your day.
Love, Mary
Sarah Brownell
I always got a lot of joy from serving others, but now I can’t really do it to the same degree due to family health issues and being a parent and working, etc. Needless to say, I’m struggling without that part of my life. It’s like being deprived of that joy (and community) I used to have. I guess I need to remember that there are 6 billion other people out there doing the work of service in many ways, so I can focus on the service I do in my family. Still, I feel like I’ve been furloughed from the service I enjoyed. Maybe the part I’m really missing is the community aspect–that sense of being in it together. I feel so much more alone in my current service…
Diane Seebach
Love that prayer! Wishing you and your family a joyful day on this absolutely beautiful Memorial Day! Love,Diane
Mary Alice
I think finding joy for many is a matter of attitude. Thank you Rev. Mary for bringing joy to Spiritus.
Mary Ramerman Author
I think the people at Spiritus bring joy to me! Brian’s message was a light in my day today.
Love, Mary
Francene C McCarthy
Dear Brian,
The St. Francis prayer was my Dad’s favorite and is printed on his mass card behind a photo of his painting of the Falls in Trumansburg. He taught us to try to live by those words. Both you and Mary have brought my Dad back to me and brought me joy by the remembrances. Thank you! EnJOY your day!
Many Blessings,
Fran
Judith Kiley
Joy and St Francis are the best. This morning, a toad brought me joy as he hopped out of a planter where I was turning the soil! I don’t ever remember seeing the same. Thanks for these words of appreciation daily.
Colleen Fox-Salah
You knocked this one out of the park, Brian! So much to think about and feel.
I am an introvert who can wing it as an extrovert, but always at a cost. People overwhelm me, and it has been difficult understanding how to put my great empathy and compassion into practice. What has helped me most is including myself as a priority recipient of this empathy and compassion.
I thought knowing how to connect with others easily showed worth when it was really the ability to connect with myself that made all the difference. Instead of running away now when I become overwhelmed, I go within to discover more specifically what’s going on and come up with a plan to proceed that honors what I need so that I can keep going. Loving people tend to be happy to negotiate expectations, and this has been wonderful to experience. I’m also ready to share how uncomfortable I feel underneath my confident exterior, and in those instances, It’s hard not to feel like a diva at best and a weirdo at worst. But I’ve decide that I’d rather be considered a handful or weird than running away and missing out on an opportunity to serve and grow. In the rare instances when negotiation is impossible, I gladly move on knowing that this wasn’t meant to be for either of us.
My go-to scripture is Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” This helps me to forgive myself, forgive others and forgive God because I can only see the mess under the intricate rug as a little human, not the gorgeous creation on the other side from God’s perspective. I am serving Her vision even when I screw-up, which means we are loved just the way we are. And I can risk loving God no matter what.
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