Leading With Connection

Leading With Connection

We live in a divided world these days. I am not sure it is as divided as the media would have us believe, but there are some significant challenges to getting along. I know that some days I can feel discouraged because of it, but something like today’s first reading helps me to remember that where there are humans there will be conflict. What we do with the conflict, however, is the key.

In the early church, there was a lot of conflict. In Paul’s letters, he is constantly having to address challenges that they are having in getting along. Today’s reading from 1 Corinthians is no different. In fact, he even says that their coming together (for what I assume was their weekly service) was doing “more harm than good.” 

In his counsel, he invites them back to the table – to eat together – and to remember the life and model of Jesus who did not put up barriers between himself and others. Instead, he was always trying to take them down.

We see this in the gospel passage from Luke 7. A centurion who has heard of Jesus’ power summons him to his home because his slave is dying. And so he goes.

Hold up right there.

Let’s remember that a centurion is a high ranking member of the Roman army – the force that was occupying Jesus’ land. Furthermore, this centurion has slaves working for him.

Why didn’t Jesus confront the centurion about his being part of an oppressive system and call out the harm that he was doing? Why didn’t Jesus challenge him about the inhumanity of having slaves? 

All I know from the passage is that this was not Jesus’ first move. He led with compassion for the centurion’s situation. He might have addressed those things at a later point, but he didn’t start there. It seems he went for connection instead.

I often go back to the work and words of john powell (he does not capitalize his name) who helps to lead the Othering and Belonging Institute in Berkeley, CA. powell speaks often of how people (and all life for that matter) are deeply connected, and when we ‘other’ someone we not only deny their humanity we deny our own. He also talks about the many unconscious processes that make us afraid of others so that we put up walls (literally and figuratively) and create distance. He goes on to say that being present to someone else helps us to stay connected to them as a person – with all their hopes, dreams, joys and sorrows – and not succumb to quick judgements or fear.

This is a lot easier to write about than to do!

But I think we see this modeled by Jesus today. He does not start by ‘othering’ the centurion. He starts by connecting, and in the process of connecting is then able to have a very important interaction. Jesus, like powell, believes that our circle must keep being expanded to include everyone. Powell has a great keynote address called “The Mechanisms of Othering” that may be of interest. In it, he begins to name and lay out how othering works, how we’re in the situation we’re in and how we work towards getting out of it.

Conflict is inevitable. Othering is not.

Maybe we can take a page out of Jesus’ playbook this week as we strive to first connect with people we might otherwise judge or be tempted to call out. Who knows where it might go from there.

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