March 6
Readings – MI 7:14-15, 18-20; LK 15:1-3, 11-32
In today’s readings, mercy is the name of the game. Micah speaks of how God takes us back – time and time again – and then the gospel delivers the powerful story of the “prodigal son.”
In the Muslim circles that I have moved in, I often hear the phrase, “Allah, the beneficient, the merciful” and it has always caught my attention. In fact the “personal” names for God in Islam are ar-Rahman and al-Raheem. Both are derived from the noun rahmah, which signifies “mercy”, “compassion”, and “loving tenderness”. These names signify that it is the nature and act of God to be merciful – and we are called likewise to do the same. And since Christianity shares so much in common with Islam and Judaism – both of which speak very often of the mercy of God – we can assume that at its roots, Christianity is steeped in this idea.
The beautiful story of the prodigal son certainly offers much for reflection. Notice how the story is told as a response to the comments being made about Jesus hanging out with tax collectors and sinners. In so many ways, Jesus consistently held up the marginalized people as the examples of those who knew that they needed forgiveness and not the pretenders who portrayed themselves as having it all together.
There are so many movements in this story that could be the basis for our reflection (and these are just a few):
- We don’t know if the son was “truly sorry” for what he had done or if he realized that the party was over. And the father does not seem too concerned with trying to figure it out
- The father runs to meet his returning son – a gesture unbecoming of a man of his stature and especially for someone who had been betrayed like he had (don’t forget, asking for your share of your dad’s fortune while your dad is still alive is one of the highest insults)
- The father not only welcomes the son, he restores his good name in the family and makes a public spectacle of the restoration for all to see
- The older brother is beside himself because he has worked hard all his life, has asked for nothing and did everything the father had asked of him. He cannot celebrate his brother’s return because he can’t get past his own anger and resentment
Clearly we could spend some time meditating on any of these and asking ourselves questions like:
- When we seek forgiveness for what we have done, what are our motives?
- Are we willing to appear looking like a fool in order to heal a relationship and offer forgiveness to someone?
- Are there some betrayals we’re not willing to forgive? What happens if we don’t? What happens if we do?
- Do make sure that people who have harmed us are publicly restored or do we hope that others keep seeing them in a negative light? Do we spend as much time talking about how the person made up with us as we do telling others how much they hurt us?
- In what ways are we like the older brother and can’t celebrate the good that comes to another because of our own anger, hurt and resentment?
No doubt, we’re like all of the characters in this drama – and probably different characters in different relationships.
Bryan Stephenson in his great book Just Mercy reminds us that, “Each of us is more than the worst thing we’ve ever done [and that] fear and anger can make us vindictive and abusive, unjust and unfair, until we all suffer from the absence of mercy and we condemn ourselves as much as we victimize others…It’s necessary to recognize that we all need mercy, we all need justice, and—perhaps—we all need some measure of unmerited grace.” He goes on to say, “Mercy is most empowering, liberating, and transformative when it is directed at the undeserving. The people who haven’t earned it, who haven’t even sought it, are the most meaningful recipients of our compassion.”
Lent is a great time to offer mercy to ourselves and others – just as God offers it to all of us.
14 Comments
Ilana Griffith
Thank you for your
inspiring message.
Ilana Griffith
(Richmond, VA)
Mike Boucher Author
Thanks for being along with us, Ilana! All the way from VA!
Sarah A Brownell
I often struggle with resentment and anger when others (esp those who I feel have done me wrong) are recognized for work that I contributed significantly to while I don’t get any credit. I’ve been working on appreciating that the dream I had continues to do good in the world even and to be satisfied with that…even if I personally continue to toil in obscurity. That last line of Stephensons is so hard!
Mike Boucher Author
Sarah, you raise some very good issues that must be held in some form of dynamic “tension” of sorts. I often think of holding the tension of accountability and mercy and what that means or looks like. Never easy in my book, and I so appreciate your efforts to release the hurt by appreciating the dream that your work and witness sets in motion in spite of your not receiving acknowledgement. This is hard spiritual territory. While Stephenson sets a high bar, I am also guessing he’d tell us to just be where we are and try to keep moving so we don’t get stuck in the quicksands of more toxic emotions…I know you already know and practice this, and if you’d want to say more of the HOW you move through it, I am sure others would appreciate hearing it. I appreciate your contributions to this blog. Very powerful.
Sarah A Brownell
How…It is definitely up and down journey and for me is also wrapped up with a good bit of grief/loss. But let’s see, the poem “Prophets of a Future Not Our Own” which was written as a tribute to Oscar Romero by Fr. Untener is one of my favorites and helps me remember that “We plant seeds that one day will grow” and “We may never see the end results, but that is the difference between the master builder and the worker. We are workers not master builders; minsters not messiahs. We are prophets of a future not our own.” God has a plan that is different than my plan, and for some reason this is where he wants me to be and how he wants me to work, and I may not understand the plan for a long time (or ever.) I also think that part of it is recognizing my own vanity and asking why I want recognition in the first place…The vanity is fueled by our culture and our belief in “meritocracy” and I think it is worse for young adults coming up now than it was for me. There is a lot of pressure to be something, start something, be different, be an entrepreneur, be a leader, whatever. Sometimes I want to rail against that like the character Henry Chinaski in the movie Barfly–“Why does everybody have to be something!”
Mike Boucher Author
thanks for responding to this. I found it very insightful.
Barbara Simmons
This is always a difficult reading and situation for me. The only person I have held a grudge toward for years is my former daughter-in-law. She and my son have been divorced for seven years and it was a contentious split. Although I realize it takes two to make a marriage work, I knew she was the reason the marriage crumbled. Like a momma bear I was very protective of my son. Then I thought and prayed about it and realized I had to let this festering anger go. One time she came to pick up the boys (the three boys she and my son had together) at my son’s house. I happened to be there and made the decision to go outside to talk with her. We had a nice visit (I hadn’t seen her in over four years at that time). I felt good that I had forgiven her in my heart. I even told the oldest boy (maybe 13 at the time) that I was glad I went out to talk to his mom. He looked at me and said, “So how did it feel to forgive the woman who disrespected your son?” I was stunned but I explained to him that forgiveness is the way to go and to let all those pent up negative emotions go. For a while I felt relief and closure. But, as time has moved on my former daughter-in-law has continued to manipulate and control every situation with the boys. She had done things that I find damaging to the boy’s well being, and I find myself really hating her again. I cannot seem to let go of these feelings. I feel helpless and saddened by it all. Lent should be a time of reflection and forgiveness but I am stuck.
Kathryn Franz
My biggest challenge with forgiveness and mercy has to do with politics and injustice. So far, it has been impossible for me to forgive the former president and his supporters for their attempt to overthrow the will of the people in the 2020 election. How to hold their lies, their offenses against the Constitution, their racism with mercy? How to forgive to those who hate, fear, discriminate, abuse, and incite violence? The best I have been able to do so far is offer my inability up to God (I cannot do it by myself..) Lord, have mercy!
Mike Boucher Author
Kathryn, thanks for this sharing. What I so appreciate about what you said is that you give God what you have. God wouldn’t be much of a God if S/He/They only said, “I only want your affirmations and positive vibes…” Our God is not a God of shortcuts and one who can handle ALL of our emotions, so I appreciate that you are not shortcutting your process. In my experience, there’s no quick path to forgiveness. It takes time and depending on the harm it can take quite some time. And forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation. I have always loved the Linn’s book and especially the title: Don’t Forgive Too Soon. Their counsel to take the necessary time and do the spiritual work required seems very sound to me.
Judene Scheidt
I’m a little late to this discussion, but thank you to everyone who posted comments (I feel your struggles myself), and thank you to Mike for writing it. It was very powerful for me, and I appreciate you all for sharing your thoughts, your struggles, and your wisdom! I wish I could hug you all!!! <3
Sarah A Brownell
Agreed that accountability and forgiveness are separate. Forgiveness of others is first a kindness to oneself. However, speaking as someone who has hurt others both accidentally as well as done some clearly wrong things and not been forgiven, it can also be a huge lifechanging kindness for those who desire and pine for forgiveness. I suffer a lot of pain that I expect to carry for all my life due to the fact that the people I hurt–who I cared about very much and valued highly what they thought–went to their deaths without forgiving me. There is no way to have closure at this point except to try to make amends in some other way and do better in the future. Thank you all for sharing your difficult journeys so we all know we are not alone.
Mike Boucher Author
Sarah, once again you give us much to think about – especially in terms of harm we may have caused that was not forgiven, per se, or may not be able to be in person. Your idea of trying “to make amends in some other way and do better in the future” seems like such an important commitment as we journey on. I know that I, too, carry the incompleteness of unreconciled relationships. I/we may have even been “forgiven” but a reconciliation may have never happened. Which also raises the idea in my mind that if we HAVE forgiven someone, it may also be important to let them know – even if we are not prepared to reconcile, reunite with or be with them again. I say that last sentence cautiously as well because I know that engaging someone who has harmed us in some way is always delicate and tricky business…
Sue Spoonhower
Mercy, forgivenes, reconciliation, making amends…all so basic and yet it can get so complicated. I just keep coming back to the prodigal son story and my basic response is relief. The father asks no questions, doesn’t demand an explanation; he simply.and extravagantly welcomes his son back. I love that. No matter what or how far I have gotten off the path, I can always come back and be loved and welcomed. And that enables me to spread that mercy to others, or at least reminds me, gives me a push in that direction. The prodigal son is worthy, I’m worthy and then so is everyone else. As I said, I am just relieved and feel lighter every time I read this story.
Mike Boucher Author
thanks, Sue. I resonate with the “all so basic and yet it can get so complicated…”
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