One of my mentors in the realm of therapy and anti-racism work is a man named Dr. Ken Hardy. I have always admired him for his incredible skill in working with people as well as his ability to speak certain truths – even if they are hard to say (and may not be received well). What I also appreciate is that he does not shy away from conflict but, instead, often tries to make visible the conflicts that are being kept below the surface. In his workshops and teachings, he often encourages the people present to “say the thing just beyond where you feel comfortable” because that’s often where a much deeper truth is waiting.
If your upbringing was like mine, you may have been raised to be polite and nice and to not provoke conflict. You just didn’t speak of certain things because it would make other people uncomfortable, and no one wanted to disturb the peace.
Nothing could be further from today’s scripture passage.
In our gospel today (Mt 10), Jesus says one of his more famous (and controversial) sayings when he says, “Do not think that I have come to bring peace upon the earth. I have come to bring not peace but the sword.” He then goes on to speak about how families will be at odds over his teachings and offers his followers some stern words about what the journey with him is really going to be like. In short, it ain’t going to be “nice” and “polite”.
I liken some of what Dr. Hardy does to the work of Jesus. As Jesus moved through the world, he witnessed firsthand the injustice, violence and inequality all around him. He knew that this was antithetical to God’s vision of the world and so he also knew that he must speak about it and act against it – even if it brought about conflict. Even if it made others uncomfortable.
What Jesus knew is that the conflict and discomfort were ALREADY there – it’s just that the status quo was keeping everything hidden. And when the conflict is hidden, those in power are not held accountable and those who are directly impacted have no recourse.
Martin Luther King, Jr. in his famous “Letter from a Birmingham Jail” (which I would encourage all of us to read and re-read), spoke to this phenomenon because he was being criticized by a group of white pastors for his nonviolent direct action which was labeled as “unwise and untimely” and was seen as unnecessary agitation.
In that letter he says that “we who engage in nonviolent direct action are not the creators of tension. We merely bring to the surface the hidden tension that is already alive. We bring it out in the open, where it can be seen and dealt with. Like a boil that can never be cured so long as it is covered up but must be opened with all its ugliness to the natural medicines of air and light, injustice must be exposed, with all the tension its exposure creates, to the light of human conscience and the air of national opinion before it can be cured.”
He goes on to critique those who oppose his actions because they are “more devoted to “order” than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice.”
Clearly MLK studied and knew the heart of Jesus, and both knew about the pervasive tendency for people to go along with the social order rather than address the injustice.
In our lives, we will all come upon truths that must be spoken about and acted upon. Some of those will be in our families. Some of those will be in our relationships. Some will be at our workplaces. Some of those will be in the wider society.
And they will all probably put a lump in our throat or butterflies in our stomach.
It can be really uncomfortable to lean into this work because the forces that encourage silence and complicity are many. We don’t want to upset people. We want to protect people from difficult stuff. There may be “good people” involved in the situation. We’re afraid of what speaking up or acting might set in motion.
When Jesus says, “I come to bring not peace,” I think he is directly speaking to what King called the “negative peace” that tries to keep things quiet and hide the tension. Jesus knew that everything must be brought into the light if it is to be healed, and so he committed his life to doing just that. And he tried to prepare his followers to do the same.
No doubt you will face this tension in the near future (if you are not already facing it now). You will be challenged to speak about or act upon something that you know to be true in your experience that – if you speak or act upon it – will make others uncomfortable or angry and might bring criticism or consequences your way. Or you might be challenged to RECEIVE someone else’s truth that makes you uncomfortable or angry.
Breathe into that tension. Try to recognize that something is trying to emerge and be brought into the light. Speak your truth as gracefully as you can. Receive the truth of others as gracefully as you can. Release and repeat.
(Note: I rely on people like Tema Okun – an anti-racist activist – to help me give and get perspective. She has some really useful reflections on conflict at her website https://www.whitesupremacyculture.info/comfort–fear-of-conflict.html. I also highly recommend the work of Kazu Haga)
2 Comments
Candice Wells
Thank you Mike. I too was brought up to be polite and nice. Embracing tension is important and difficult work. If I remind myself to be open to receive it I grow in the processes. You have reminded me of the importance of continuing to embrace conflict.
Deb Moffitt
I often think of the young black men that sat at the counter in the 1960’s.
They were refused service but would not leave. If I remember correctly, the police were called and they we’re spit on, harassed and had cigarettes put out on them.
I would say to myself , how can they do that, how can they be so non-violent so non-reactionary.? This blog with your wise words and the words of Dr King helped me to understand. “They merely brought to the surface the hidden tension that was already alive”. Thank you Mike for opening my eyes
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