You Are Love, You Are Light, You Are Beauty

Today’s reflection is written by Brian O’Neill, and the banner image is his original painting.

Friday, May 14

As I look back on my life I am always amazed at how I have learned to love myself. I had to learn that I was worthy of love. Accepting, believing, and behaving like I was loveable was not a natural event but a slow process of deep spiritual growth. Often times we hear stories from others about who we are. Our worthiness and our self-esteem can become molded by another’s distorted perceptions of our true nature. When I say true nature, I am referring to our divine being, the part of ourselves that carries the breath of God in our bodies. My true nature today is lived through my art, my love of cooking, my marriage to another man, and my deep understanding that I am as God made me; a beautiful, creative loving soul that wants happiness for myself as well as others.  Years ago, I would not have been able to write that and if I did, it would’ve been with shame, guilt, and embarrassment. Why? Because I had a distorted relationship with God. I projected onto God what I was being told about myself as a young gay person. I want to be clear, my parents were nothing but pure unconditional love when it came to me being gay. They knew since I was three years old and always went out of their way to make sure I knew I was ‘normal’. The distorted messages were from society, TV, church, kids in school, etc. Why would I seek God’s love through Jesus’ message when I have been screamed at by a person with an actual megaphone that I am an abomination and I will rot in hell if I don’t repent and turn to Jesus? I am talking about the protesters that show up at annual gay pride events to protest. For years I hated these people and saw them as the enemy. Today, I quietly pray for them in my heart. It is not easy to pray for the people that have hurt us but enlightenment is not easy nor is there an express lane.

I started doing a lot of deep spiritual work in my mid-twenties. I naturally returned to the religious faith of my childhood because it felt familiar. I was in a Catholic church and during mass the priest talked about homosexuality as a sin and how broken and lost gay people are. I was angry, shocked, and then I felt despair. I was looking for wholeness and warmth, and I was being given rejection and judgment. I got up from the mass and went out to my car and just sat there and cried. For some reason I began to recite The Lord’s Prayer. I got the first word out, Our, and I felt a deep pause and stillness I had never felt before. The truth was there the entire time in plain sight—Our, means everyone, full stop.

My job in this divine dance was to heal my heart and my mind.  I had to catch up to what my soul already knew—that Jesus, God’s dream for humanity, was softly whispering to me the entire time about how loved I am. I couldn’t hear how loveable I was because I hadn’t yet done the hard work of healing earthly human scars so that a channel of grace could flow into me, my life and towards others. I decided that I was not going to allow my understanding and relationship with Jesus to be limited by another human being’s ego and personal agenda. But how? How is that done? For me, I sought the help of therapists and counselors who helped me to learn how loveable I am. Jesus works through all and has no limits placed upon how love can flow and healing can happen so that we live our true nature as God’s creations.

How is Jesus speaking to you? How is Jesus healing you? This can mean many things to many people. Perhaps you hear Jesus in the laughter of a child, the smile from a stranger, or a warm embrace from a friend or partner? How has your relationship with Jesus evolved and who has helped you on that journey? I encourage you to find your own unique conversation of the heart with Jesus. All you need is the willingness to listen. For me, I hear, see, and feel Jesus’ love for me in many ways; a sunset, a rose, and an inner strength that cannot be taken away. I have also had rather profound experiences of Jesus through prayer and meditation that were visual, sensory, and audible within my heart. I share with you a prayer and message that I received from Jesus that stuns me with its beauty each time I read it. I can tell you that the feeling I was given while receiving this was pure love, softness, and a depth of acceptance that is the antithesis of human judgement.

Jesus is waiting for you to listen so that you can hear and know that you are love, you are light, and you are beauty.